our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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