So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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