I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Randomize
