yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
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