I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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