Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
