I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
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