I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Randomize
