I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
