Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
