i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Randomize
