I'm jealous of your bromance
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
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