and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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