I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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