I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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