The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
