My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
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