I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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