and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
