Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
