Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?