I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
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