It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Randomize
