All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
