Can Purell be used as lube?
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
you made out with another girl for some wings
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
