Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I am one with the molecules
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
