There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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