I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
