What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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