nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
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