I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
