i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
