suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
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