You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
