and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I looked at my own cervix.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Oh god it's open bar.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
