Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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