This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
