WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
You work out of a Hotel?
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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