Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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