I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
