Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
