omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
