is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
