I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
