direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
