you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
i think i have herpe
just one?
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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