I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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