I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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