Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Randomize
