i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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