speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize