I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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