If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
