I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
