Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
