i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
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