There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
