Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Randomize
