She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
