I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
