Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
