So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize