i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
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