We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
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