Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.