Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

(970): View more from Colorado

You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.

Fav 3 3165 922
share tweet
(419): View more from Ohio

Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.

Fav 36 4823 1125
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(662): View more from Mississippi

"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.

Fav 25 1567 7062
share tweet
(770): View more from Georgia

He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.

Fav 9 3577 1101
share tweet
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
Read it at the TFLN blog
(732): View more from New Jersey

You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.

Fav 7 3822 2026
share tweet
(530): View more from California

Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking

(530): View more from California

That could use a little rephrasing

Fav 5 2103 1006
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(509): View more from Washington

My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.

Fav 11 735 3978
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(516): View more from New York

He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.

Fav 4 846 662
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(256): View more from Alabama

He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.

Fav 1 25 50
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT