so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.