So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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