i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
