I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
