I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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