So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
