Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Randomize
