my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
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If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
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No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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