My liver just broke up with me...
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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