i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
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